for all the wrong reasons
Posted by lordpinoy on May 27, 2006
… sometimes I wonder why many things started in the first place.
You engage in (lengthy) discussions on a topic which may or may not be controversial. It goes well from the start and when you encountered the slightest bits of differences in opinions, you end up disappointed, getting paranoid, feeling vulnerable, and the victim of a concerted attack…. why? what were you expecting? an uninterrupted monologue by you? what’s the point of getting involved if you come unprepared?
That kind of scenario happens too often, I’m afraid, and unfortunately, it usually doesn’t stop with the initial trading of "blows", it goes on and on until a compromise is reached, though even when the exchange ends, some parties end up a little more prejudiced especially if they would have to deal with the opposite party in the future.
People often forget why discussions are such helpful tools not only for individual participants, but for the larger group affected by the proceedings. In the interest of covering more ground and exploring much wider vistas of thoughts, it pays to have an open mind.
In any discussion, it is also worthwhile to ask ourselves what our intentions are, and to reveal them to others as soon as possible. In my experience (with group discussions) , this has helped us understand each other. It was better than having to guess each other’s.
If it was intended to be a sermon, let others know whether or not, you are/aren’t particularly inviting a different opinion. If it was a geniune venue for an exchange of ideas, acknowledge any contributions. If it was done to strike a point, let your arguments stand on its own. The facts would only strenghten its merits. If it was dubious, let it be known that it’s unsubstantiated. If you can’t convince another, you’d be out of place if you suddenly turn hostile and start fuming about.
Again, what were your intentions? Did you intend for yourself not to get hurt telling the group of your opinions? Do you want to feel good about something you know? Was it your intention to share? and at the same time not to let others do the same?
Maybe what we need, apart from an open mind, is a healthy dose of respect for our differences. Whether it’s god-given right, or a right accorded to one (under relevant state laws). Diversity can be a beautiful thing. For one, (I think) it makes for a much interesting world. Besides, as they say "the more the merrier". In some respects, it is.
