here we leave our memories behind
Posted by lordpinoy on 30th December 2005
Time is running out. It is too late for another effort. Late for all other action. We are not heroes. We are byt a single tear that drops in the vast and deep blue sea. That fall could have been our shining moment …
But Fate it seems, could afford to be cruel, and alas it did not bode too well for that single tear that dropped this year.
There are no new memories waiting to be formed. The well of chances, the seed of moments, have dried up and withered with the passing of the year. Here we leave the milestones of a life.
I must write these things before the end.
"A day may come when these recovered memories may grow as vivid as if we in our persons had been there and shared th thrill and the fear of those primordial days; a day may come when the …the past will leap to life again in our imaginations, when we shall walk again in vanished scenes, … and feel again the sunshine of a million years ago"
—- The Grisly Folk, by H.G. Wells
"… the city of mirrors (or mirages) would be wiped out by the wind and exiled from the memory of men at the precise moment… and everything … was unrepeatable since time immemorial and forevermore because races condemned to one hundred years of solitude did not have a second opportunity on earth".
— One Hundred Years of Solitude, by GG Marquez
"… the final brilliance of life that would never, through all eternity, be repeated again".
— The General In His Labyrinth, by GG Marquez
"… Many dreams have been brought to your doorstep. They just lie there and they die there."
— Mona Lisa, by NK Cole
"… I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams".
— He wishes for the cloths of heaven, by WB Yeats
Milestones
Out of the silent Planet
— Starting the year on a high, We got our degree after 3.5 years in Grad School. It also came after a Nice vacation in the Bohol Tropics. I felt like the "King of the Hill" on top of Chocolate Hills. What could go wrong? Unfortunately we’ve read the signs to soon.
— Made a successful comeback to the University after nearly two years of "absence". Despite it, being, for most of part, a quiet time, we were gaining momentum.
Year of the Wireless
All signs pointed to a breakthrough year.
— We’ve lot’s of ideas. Damn Pretty Good Ideas. They seem to be flying around. We were lucky to implement many of them. We’ve gotten Warp up and running (our "master" server). We’ve cracked a few technological barriers. We’ve gotten cryptic theories and methods beaten to a helpless pulp. That was good — very good for the group — but are we happy?
Sucker Punched at the Game
"And I felt we knew each other forever…"
—- Sleepers, by L Carcaterra
I thought I knew how six years end. When I got around to find out exactly how. It was well beyond what I had hoped for. Suddenly everything needed re-imagining, like the stuff they say about your whole life flashing before your eyes, in the deepest recesses, the memories we thought were nice had been tainted! tainted with what we believe, our fantasies!, our biases and perceptions.
Yet there it was before me, the solution to the remaining puzzles that I haven’t figured out in this little affair. It was the answer that felt like a cross between a sharp jab to your gut and a wild uppercut. The former leaves you crumpled and reeling, while the latter leaves you stupid-senseless.
Game Over.
Make it easy on yourself. Walk Away.
"And from that day, it was as one dead."
— Prophecy from the Eight Wonder of the World (1933)
The worst part was trying to forget and move on. At random times, the memories demonstrate their sting.
It hurts but it’s over.
Baby you’re a rich man
"Baby you’re a rich man… Baby you’re a rich man".
— from Baby you’re a rich man by J Lennon.
"Nothing lasts forever"
— from November Rain, by Guns and Roses
Got involved in major projects this year, Door number 1: the SMART Thing, Door #2: PaperView. And Door #3: Reproductive Health (software to conduct the survey!), Door #4: The Tale of Datu. In these projects, the stakes were high and but it was rewarding (both in the financial and the "character development" sense of the word). I’ve got a scholarship which guaranteed a minimum of 4 years continuous "funding" plus the multiple stints at Science Camps and Graduate Assitantships.
The PaperView project for example was a minor victory for me because i was one of the cornerstones of this year’s physics conference.
The Datu Cluster Project, it’s the fastest computing cluster in the country and we have it here in the University!. It felt good to actually get it to work with a little help from two of my friends "Anzu6" and "GeekyMaldita".
It was a great way to start moving again after that smacking wallop. But ….
The Deadly Vortex
It grew… and sucked up too much of my time. I felt like a nocturnal animal. Sometimes the day felt longer than usual because I worked way past the daylight hours. Oftentimes, I felt the night was just too short.
Geek Ends up in the Land of the Bikini Babes
… Until the conference was in full swing at Iloilo, every day seemed like a poetic version of hell. So it was a minor consolation that I got to visit the "Hottest" place in the country (or so it seems). and by the word "HOT" we mean it as the predator crowd does —- "Sizzling HOT". Too much eye candy. Unfortunately everything but the girls felt awful. (more on this next time).
All I wanted for Christmas …
… Was to Play Computer Games.
Fortunately this time, Fate answered my feeble call for help. Got Civ 4, Kohan 2, WarCraft 3 Battle Chest, Icewindale Collection, (All of them original software!) DVD-Dual Layer Writer, Radeon 128-bit Video Card, and the opportunity to watch King Kong Beat the crap out of three T-Rex’s.
Who knows what’s in store next year?
(Photos will be added soon).
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